Let's Make a Deal

I applied for an Austrian driver's license in May.  Accomplishing this task involved a stuffed manila envelope containing paperwork from 2 different government offices, photos in a special size, a Doctor's certification form, a USA driver's license, a passport, a "legitimation" card, an application, multiple copies of all of the items mentioned, some money and any other documents (plus copies) that could possibly be requested during my trip to the licensing office at the police station.  I even had a friend who speaks German with me.....just in case the visit fell into the language gap.

After finding out that I had surrender my US driver's license as part of this process (ack!), I opted to wait and pick up the new license after our summer vacation in Arizona.  With my paperwork approved and fees paid, I was told the license would be "ready and waiting" on my return, as the young woman pointed toward sets of shelves piled high with stacks of folders and papers.

Today.  3 months after my initial visit.  I tried to pick up my license.

Two lines snaked out the door and a total of 1.5 bureaucrats were working two rows of windows.  The mood was as dim as the lighting, the silence broken only by uncovered coughs and sneezes.  Every so often, however, someone behind the windows would yell out an announcement I couldn't understand, causing a ripple of consternation in the lines.  My ignorance was bliss, until I looked around at everyone clutching their version of the stuffed manila envelope.

My manila envelope was at home.

Have you ever watched "Let's Make a Deal" with Monty Hall?

It had everything a game show could want, zany costumes, fabulous prizes and zonks, the lovely assistant Carol Merrill and the ultimate deal of the day lurking behind Door Number 1, 2 or 3.  My favorite part, however, was the show's end when Monty walked the audience asking for obscure items, like a hard boiled egg or can of soup, in exchange for a cash prize.  People in the studio audience brought bags stuffed with everything unimaginable, including the kitchen sink.  Looking at the envelopes and folders of those in line ahead was eerily similar.

So I dashed home to get mine.

And wouldn't you know, the female Austrian version of Monty Hall was working my window.  As soon as I handed over my passport, she tapped a few keys on the computer and started playing her own version of "Let's Make a Deal".

Finally this:  "Not Ready".  "Not Ready?" I asked.  "Not Ready" she confirmed.
Ever see the movie 16 Candles?  It took all I had not to snort.

She shook her head no as I continued pulling papers, copies, photos, applications, and letters out of that manila envelope.  The line grumbled and I broke into a sweat digging through my wallet for identification cards, credit cards, library cards, anything.

Damn it, Monty!  I've got my eyes on the prize!

Exasperated, she snatched one of my IDs, scurried off to make a copy and said to me in English, "Come back next week."

Oh Monty, I'll be back.  And I'm bringing a hard boiled egg, a can of soup and the kitchen sink.

Like a Virgin

I tend to share a bunch of links on Facebook and feel very happy when someone actually opens one and comments.  This type of back and forthing is what makes Facebook "social" for me, especially when one runs out of witty status updates.  When I linked a CNN story:  On the trail of the "Blood Countess" in Slovakia, one adventurous friend responded, "The castle is only 2 hours from here.  Road Trip!" Another adventurous friend added, "Sounds fun" and a plan came together.  Understand that this is all very lucky for me, since I am a "linker" and they are "doers".

The short story here:  The town of Cachtice, Slovakia is home to a serial murderess from the 1600s, Countess Elizabeth Bathory.  The Countess and some ne'er do well servants, murdered more than 100 and possibly up to 1000 local virgins.  Why? Apparently, bathing in their blood (and possibly some cannibalism) was the secret to the Countess' youthful looking appearance, as well as the fast track to lifelong imprisonment at Cachtice Castle (the Countess) and being burned at the stake (her servants).

August 21, 2014 marked the 400 year anniversary of the Countess' death.

The centerpiece of downtown Cachtice:  Countess Bathory and Victim (Wood on brick 2013)

Remarkably smooth skin represented in this Countess puzzle, which hangs in the local pizza parlor 

From Vienna, there are two ways to get to Cachtice, the highway and the byway.  Luckily, we travelled both to enjoy rural, scenic Slovakia with a view to more castles needing restoration.  After locating the right castle, we climbed the hill to take in the restored ruins and gorgeous scenery.  We also got our fill of the spooky vibe, purchased a bottle of the local vintage red in her name and appeared to be among the very few English writers signing the visitor log.

The "linker" lagging behind the "doers" recognizing that they are both fun and impressive travel companions

Obviously, the Countess was one brutal and disturbed criminal who deserved the same fate as her servants, in my opinion.  This macabre history only leads me to the conclusion that the key to a youthful appearance is (in fact) a bottle of red, followed by busting a move to some old school Madonna, topped off with an ample slathering of Oil of Olay.  Like a Virgin!

Abdicating the Throne

I was sorting through some of my home leave vacation photos this morning and came across this beauty.

Not Your Typical Vacation Photo

Why toilets?  Well, I'll tell you.  First, if you are the least bit offended by potty humor, potty pictures, potty stories or potty behavior, I beg you, click over to Facebook or check your email now.  We can catch up another time.  After all, you've only seen one toilet picture.  Be forewarned, a toilet rant is fast approaching.

Let me go back, for just a moment.  Less than a year before we moved, we remodeled our master bathroom into one of my favorite spaces in the house.  Yes, I still look at the pictures even though we no longer own it.

My Happy Space

While apartment hunting in Vienna, if the place had 2 bathrooms, or at least 2 toilets or WCs (as they are called here) it made the cut.  Our current apartment has 2 WCs.  However, toilets in Europe are different.  They just are.  If you've visited Europe, you know about the interior "shelf".  I despise the shelf.  Books need a shelf.  Toilets do not.  You also know that there is no "swirl".  US has the swirl, Europe has the "whoosh".

Back to our toilets.  The main bath toilet looks fine, even with the dreaded shelf and a plastic tank.  Fine that is, until you flush.  Then, with the sound of a fighter jet at take off,  a vertical geyser erupts and sprays toilet water and whatnot across the room.  No one is interested in what the not is.

The lid must be closed to flush.  Even with the lid closed, I truly believe there is a horizontal projection system at work.  Oh, and we have a 10 year old boy.  Who forgets.  To close.  The lid.

Whoa Nelly, She's Gonna Blow

Then there is WC number 2.  Pun intended, since the toilet and sink (where you can only wash one hand at a time) are shoe horned into a space the size of a broom closet.  When you sit on this toilet, your knees hang out into the hallway.  Short people, celebrate your size!  I offer this demonstration for illustrative purposes only.

Um, Don't Mind Me

There Will Be No "I Got a Meetin' in the Ladies Room" Here

After living like this for a year, I had the brilliant idea of replacing the main bathroom toilet with something a little less "Old Faithful".  We (because I sold dear husband on the idea) even volunteered to purchase the toilet when pitching the idea to the landlord.  We both thought this would be easy, until we received the quotes.  No wonder our landlord was so happy to accept our offer.  Did you know that you are charged for individual pieces of a toilet here?  Yep.  Each and every stinking piece has a price.  Even when you go to the "big box" home store, there are multiple aisles devoted to various and sundry toilet pieces.  No box from Kohler and a couple of hours with the plumber.

Quote #1

Imagine my excitement when the first quote arrived.  When I opened the email attachment, I nearly spewed my coffee in solidarity with my commode.

Your New Toilet Will Cost $2389.00 USD, When Can We Start Work?

Yes indeed, the quote for our new toilet was over 2000 dollars.  This is a serious quote.  I am not making this up.  In case this was a cruel joke, we asked for a second quote from a different supplier.  They came back a scant 200 dollars cheaper.  Probably because the toilet would be installed without a key part, like a lid.  Or a handle.  For now my quest for a new toilet for the kingdom is on hold.

Now, I am the first one to admit this is my first world problem.  No doubt about it.  At the end of the day, however, my home is my castle and I'm still looking for a new throne.

Summer Road Trips, Had Me a Blast! Part II

Less than 24 hours after returning to Vienna from our Prague adventure, we were on the road again.  Krakow was our destination for a long weekend visit.   Poland.  Land of some of my people.  Although we are not sure exactly where our Polish people emigrated from (paging the research department!), the food brings a flood of happy thoughts of my Italian Grandmother cooking Polish specialties, learned through marriage into the Slavic clan.  

This union of Italian and Pole makes sense in the context of Bona Sforza, the Italian royal who married Polish King Sigismund the Old in the 14th Century.  The Queen brought Italy and Poland together,  helping to incorporate Italian foods and artistic styles of the Renaissance into the Polish Court.

Italian poet Gianbattista Guarini wrote of the connection:

"I luoghi sono ben lontani, ma gli anni son vicini"

"the places are so far away, but the spirit is close"

I get it.

Krakow has much of the "hipster" vibe of Prague, only less densely packed with tourists.  We visited 2 UNESCO World Heritage sites:  Historic Centre Krakow and Wieliczka Salt Mine.  We are talking important Polish sites since at least the 13th Century.  The concept of being "close enough to touch" these connections to the past will never cease to amaze and inspire.  The medieval city center boasts the largest market square in Europe, Royal Wawel Castle complex is still partially surrounded by its walled fortifications, and the Kazimierz district forms part of the historic and tragic Jewish ghetto.  Krakow is also a University town with former students ranging from Copernicus to "hometown" Saint, Pope John Paul II.

St. Mary's Basilica

Cloth Hall

Cloth Hall Market

Saint John Paul II

Wawel Cathedral Complex at the Castle

St. Florian's Gate

St. Kinga's Cathedral in Wieliczka Mine (all made from rock salt)

We also continued educating ourselves and our 10 year old about Hitler and Nazi atrocities, by visiting parts of the Jewish ghetto.  Polish Jews lived in Krakow from the 13th century until Nazis forced more than 65,000 men, women and children into the Podgorze ghetto and systematically orchestrated their deaths there or in concentration camps, like nearby Auschwitz.  Even the Old Jewish Cemetery (established in 1535) was destroyed by the Nazis.  Tombstones were demolished to make paving stones for the camps.  Much of what is viewed today is post-war restoration.

Remuh Cemetery-Old Jewish Cemetery

Building in Kazimierz

Memorial to the 65,000

Oh Krakow.  We did not have enough time to fully appreciate all of your gifts.  We will return.  Our desire for pierogis and golumpki (aka piggies), along with a breaded pork chop and an ice cold Tyskie is far too great to keep us away.

Summer Road Trips, Had Me a Blast! Part I

The travel bug bit and off we went on a road trip to Prague.  With the promise of cold Czech beer, you don't have to ask me twice.  Of course, it was hotter than hell and the city was packed with tourists, but dodging sweaty bodies on Charles Bridge is half the fun.

Bridge of People, A View from Above

Our Street View Toward Charles Bridge

Night View to Prague Castle

This visit we used Airbnb to secure an apartment and were thrilled with the accommodation.  It was located in the heart of the Jewish Quarter, directly across the street from Maisel Synagogue.  With news of the day reporting escalations in the fighting between Israel and Gaza, our time spent in the Prague's Jewish Quarter was a sobering reminder of those Jews who were murdered for being.  Slaughtered for existing.  Eerily similar to the way Hamas views the Jews in Israel today, a point not lost on us.  Prague's Jewish Quarter, with its six synagogues, town hall and cemetery was not destroyed by the Nazis.  In fact, Hitler's original intent was to gather Jewish artifacts, relocate them to Prague and create a morbid museum of an "extinct race".  Evil stuff.  If you have the opportunity to tour, spend one whole day in the Jewish Quarter, you will be moved by the experience.

Our Apartment View to Maisel Synagogue

Since this was our second visit, we knew all of the tourist spots.  This was especially important since we were taking visiting family on her first tour outside Vienna.  It was exciting to see the city through her eyes.  We even went "camp" and booked a ghost tour, only to discover more spots worth visiting again.  From the food to the views, what a fun city to explore and photograph.

Paying Close Attention to the Ghost Tour

View from Strahov Monastery

St. Vitus

Wenceslas Square

Dancing House by Frank Gehry

Street Food

The Crew

Prague is like that really hip friend you might not see for some time, but when you do, the conversation flows and the fun doesn't skip a beat.

Until We Meet Again

Thoughts on Leaving and Beginning

Just returned to Vienna from our first home leave.  We are beginning our second year as an ex-pat family.  It has been quite the adjustment.  With that said, I have some random thoughts to share.

Home Leave

Let's talk about reverse culture shock!

We were surrounded by Americans speaking loudly and we could understand every.single.word.  Americans are a loud, animated and happy people (on the whole) and it was fun to be back in the thick of everyone's conversation, whether we wanted to hear it or not.

From old city to the old pueblo, home is where the heart is.  We returned to Tucson, Arizona, a smaller, less urban place compared to Vienna.  Tucson was our home for more than 16 years and a place of beauty, not to mention superior Mexican food and Dairy Queen ice cream.  More importantly, a place where we  reconnected with family, friends and the beauty of the desert southwest.  Seeing our former house for the first time in a year was a shock, but knowing home is wherever the 4 of us are together helped me through seeing the horrific landscaping and ugly metal javelina near my old front door.

American toilets.  Need I say more?  Of course, I doo.  Stay tuned for "Abdicating the Throne."

A shopping spree, you say?  I'm all in.  God Bless the USA-for so many reasons.  We are a land of choice, sometimes overwhelming choice.  From products, prices and clearance sales to 24 hour super stores and mega malls.  I can not tell you exactly why shopping on a Sunday in Target triggered a torrent of happy tears.  The constraints of shopping in Vienna gave way to a binge, along with the credit card bills to prove it.  When it comes to shopping American style, you really don't get it until you don't have it anymore.

Vienna:  The Second Year


We had not been back for 48 hours before we were yelled at for getting stuck behind locked gates on the grounds of The Belvedere after dark.  Oh how I missed being yelled at for some kind of infraction.  I've decided to respond in Spanish.  Or English.  Or Spanglish.  Bueno asshole!

The smoking, the staring, oh my. Vienna can be an ashtray and I did not miss that one bit.  The smoking habit here is disgustingly rampant, from the cigarette butts littering the city to wafting smoke across your face in public spaces and restaurants (even the so-called "no smoking" areas).  We've also returned to a place where people watching is taken to another level.  It's one thing to surreptitiously give someone the once over, even offer a compliment on an item of clothing or piece of jewelry.  In Vienna, you will be carefully evaluated from head to toe and back again.  In a very obvious fashion.  You can make the choice about a response:  return the stare with the same level of judgement, return the stare with a quizzical smile or ignore.

Keep calm and carry on.  Ultimately, it is wonderful returning to city life where you can step out the door and into a vibrant cultural scene every day.  Compared to other European capitals, Vienna is a safe place, a lively and beautiful city with concrete jungle mixed with glorious green spaces.  We have access to convenient public transportation and clean (delicious!) water straight from the tap.  I believe everyone should live in a large city at least once in their life.  What one loses in wide open suburban living,  one gains in urban perspective.  It is an important perspective to have.  We are fortunate to live here.

I know the fog of ex-pat confusion and culture shock will continue to dissipate as our second year progresses and we will make the most of what has been the adventure of our lifetime.  We were so happy to welcome family and friends who visited during our first year and certainly hope the visits will continue.  Perhaps, I will impress you with my German language skills and knowledge of the city.  If anything, I can help you order a cocktail, secure a seat in the least smokey section of the restaurant and stare down a gawker with my well-honed stink eye.  Prost!

Looking forward to year two of A Vienna Waltz

Porcelain Addiction

Porcelain addiction.  It's a nasty little habit.  Figurines, china, coffee services with those dainty demitasse cups, I own all of it.  In June, the Vienna Porcelain Manufacturer Augarten opened their "Swinging Teatime" exhibit, showcasing porcelain design during the 1950s.

A very brief history of Augarten:   Wiener Porzellanmanufactur was the second hard paste porcelain factory in Europe (Meissen in Germany was first).  It was in business from 1718-1864, closed down and re-opened in 1923.  For porcelain collectors, look for the "Old Wien" markings, an upside down beehive underglaze and consult a reference book (or appraiser) to be sure you are not purchasing a reproduction.  The Augarten Museum is located in the baroque Augarten Park (2nd District) which is also home to the Vienna Boys Choir and a view to a couple of WWII triple A towers (anti-aircraft artillery).

Interestingly, the promotional brochure offers this description of the collection:  "the goal of 1950s design was to ban any kind of restriction or heaviness and promote an everyday culture filled with dynamic joie de vivre - to which porcelain was naturally destined to make its own special contribution"  Cynic that I am, my take away message is:  "the goal of post WWII Austrian culture was to forget the Nazi past ASAP, so Augarten created porcelain to reflect movement into a modern, more vibrant era."  I get it, when compared to the Nazi prescribed porcelain designs, this evolution in style was good for the spirits of the post war Austrian host and hostess.  During the war, Augarten came under control of the National Socialists and was tasked with developing a baroque service for Hitler.  At the same time, the National Socialist ideology embraced the "perfect heroism" of antiquity as both an ideology and design trend, therefore, recreation of a Roman ceramic "terra sigillata" or sealed earth led to the production of terra cotta looking porcelains.

 "Terra sigillata" porcelain from the National Socialist days

In contrast, porcelain designs of the 1950s brought forward pieces to celebrate color, style and social activities.

It was a special treat to tour the exhibit with my Mom, our Vienna visitor.  She probably did not realize that she was creating an addict while dragging her tween around places like the Lenox Factory and Flemington Glass or telling me that the Lladro figurines at Grandma's were made in Spain as I jetted off for Summer abroad in 1981.  My Mother-in-Law, Mary Lou, introduced me to the beauty of Rosenthal with her 1960s Bjorn Winblad pattern, Romance.  Perhaps at the core, it all started with the story of a Grandfather I never met, working the docks and bringing home several pieces of Wako's Golden Maple after a shipping crate "broke" open at the pier.   Decades later, while on a business trip, I was thrilled to find more Golden Maple in a San Diego antiques store and proudly gave Grandma more pieces for her set.

Now, if only I could afford a replica of Josef Hoffman's 1929 "Melon" service, form no. 15.  Hoffman (1870-1956) was an architect and member of the Vienna Secession and Wiener Werkstatte.  The Augarten Museum shop sells a "new" Melon service that will run you around 1,866 euros ($2,540).  Oh, plus the tray at 604 euros ($822).  It really isn't a "set" unless you have the matching tray, right?  And maybe four cups and saucers instead of two....just in case you have a larger group over for coffee....or one breaks.  Ugh.  I'm feeling a bit shaky.....I need a fix.....porcelain addiction can be very costly.  Let me know if you see this at a Yard Sale, will ya?

Original "Melon" service (partial) next to demitasse cups and saucers

Melon reproduction for sale.  Good thing it is in a locked case.